I Find It Hilarious;

How everyone interprets my blogs in different ways. The past few weeks, I’ve had all different people come up to me and question me on what I meant in ‘this’ part of my blog, can they get a shout out and others assume parts of my blog are about them; when there not. Ha, I should really start to watch and clarify what I’m saying in these blogs – I honestly thought I had no readers and this was just a way for me to stop and think. My bad xD

Two weeks off overnights. Should be good for some change, it feels like I’ve been doing them forever. Don’t get me wrong, I actually like them. I’m a night owl, but being on the move for 8 hours when people are sleeping gets me tired very quick, because as I’m making some dutched up customers massive munchies order, I could be chilling (and/or sleeping like a normal person:P). The only real things that bug me about them are the constantly changing shifts and weird nights like Monday off, where you need to stay in a sleeping pattern so your up all Monday night; what could I possibly do on a Monday night? Yeah; nothing. The only other thing that bugs me, not as much, but that the crew get all the shit for things that don’t go to plan, when the close crew don’t finish their jobs, we have to finish it; when we don’t finish our jobs because we’re finishing close then our jobs, we stay back.. usually without pay.

Ehhh, it’s not that major, just felt like having a bitch after spending all yesterday talking to J after overnight about everything and anything. Ohhhh, a plus side to having two weeks off overnights; no more listening to J’s Ipod about love songs and Justin Bieber; there you go J, you got your shout out.

I’m writing this blog while I’m into hour two of being on hold to 3 mobile customer care; keyword they have missed, care! I swear, I’m going to find a way to have my keycard, mobile and keys attached to my hip so I stop losing them and or getting them stolen. -_-“ I’m becoming hopeless with this stuff. Brightside after I soon sign my pay checks over to 3 mobile, I’ll have myself a new Iphone 4 :) I always said I was going to do it, I guess this is going to force me seeing as I currently don’t have a phone :(

I got given an offer towards the beginning of the year, never thought I could consider it. In the light of current events, it’s never seemed more appealing to me. I have the next two weeks to give them my final answer, I’m just worried my decision will be rushed and I won’t be able to go back. Not to mention, yes it will get me out of all of situations and drama, but what about the others I’ll be leaving behind. I have told the major people this affects, some are happy for me, some.. ehhh, didn’t seem so excited? These coming weeks are going to be full of thinking for me, yay, something else for me to stress over! Ha. You have no idea what I’m talking about, yeah well now that I know people actually read this, I’ll post what I’m talking about when I come to a final decision. :)

Ohh; on a good note for something on my mind, plans for my birthday are some what being finalized soon :) should be good for some time off work, get away from constant dramas that seem to go in circles and just go have some fun! Haha, I’ll post deetz soon for all the stalkers that want to know what I’m doing! Lol.

Anyway; I’m off. Might go put on a movie while I STILL wait on hold:P

__xoxo.
Matthew Dragoslav.

I think it's time for a holiday,

^^ yeahh, that's about it :) I really want a holiday:P things are getting way to hektic, got my birthday coming up soon(ish) maybe I'll ask for a week off and get out of town with some friends.. yeahh, sounds good to me! :)

Untitled;

WARNING: this post is long overdue and as such, will be go on forever, read at your own discretion.

The past week has been rough, everything seems to be reminding me of all the different aspects of my past; it feels as though I’m dealing with everything that has happened through out my life all at once and over again; it’s doing my head in.

In the past week I have questioned almost every aspect of my own personality and thoughts towards life; but I can’t seem to justify my old ways of thinking. I know this intro to the blog may sound like I’m down and lost without any means of finding direction; quite the opposite, I think it’s just I’m finally allowing myself to think about the things that have happened over the course of the past six months and I’m hoping it’s for the better.

School. I never really enjoyed or hated going to school, some days were tough, but who doesn’t have a few tough days at school? Looking back, those were some of the best days. I made some friendships that I’ll have or remember for the rest of my life during this time. Eg. Lisa xD I love her tenmuches and I know if I didn’t mention her I’d get a good screaming on facebook! Although I do miss my friendship with Jayne and anyone who has known me long enough has probably just died of shock that I’d admit that. I wish things had been different, some wiser judgements on both parts, but hey that’s life, it sucks, but things have gone so far, what can be done now?

Kirra. Where to start? I wish some things were never said because I saw our friendship lasting forever and I think everyone else did too; I don’t even know what to write or why I’m writing this, all I can say is, thank you, even after everything, I’ll never forget the times spent together, both the good and bad times we went through together, all the inside jokes and quotes we have; like the awkward moments when we’d be sitting at the kitchen table in stiches and everyone else would just sit with a puzzled look on their face. The things we got up when our parents weren’t watching, like almost dying of hyperthermia and/or drowning in my bathtub that night, or the drain I still to this day won’t stand on unless it’s covered by the floor towel. All these fucking things I can’t get out of my mind that make me feel sad because they’ll never happen again, but yet still make me smile and want to laugh at how ridiculous and stupid they are. Listening to word of mouth, I’m sorry if I ever made you do things you didn’t want to; I was under the impression that we were having fun and both having a say in what we were doing, that is presumably wrong and if your reading this, I’m sorry.

Ivana. I’m not going into this one; she has everything I wanted to say already written in writing. One thing I will say, I do miss her and the spontaneous nights and I feel weird sometimes when I still go to call her because it’s what’s been the normal for me for so long now, but I doubt this friendship will ever return, nor at the moment do I want it to be honest, I just wish the awkwardness and the constant silences would end, but time should mend all that.

One thing I want to say on this topic, which I have been meaning to write down for a good time is all the drama that has apparently been going on between myself and the “TWK”. Although I don’t know where the extent of all the gossip has gone to because I took myself out of the situation and quite frankly, ignored it. I want to publicly say; you guys got the wrong end of the stick. Things mentioned in previous blogs which people love bringing up, weren’t aimed at anyone in the TWK and the people who it was aimed at know who they are because I personally messaged them. Funny hey, how they never spoke up and told everyone else that it wasn’t aimed at the entire group? Yet, they just stood by and allowed divides to be created. The things said by these guys that will remain nameless was harsh towards Ivana, even though I don’t speak to her, I will still defend that they should pick a side and stick to it, gossiping behind peoples back just starts more drama when it comes out. Case and point; although it fell on me. Now that I have said that, I’m not expecting messages or anything really from anyone, I just wanted to finally say my peace and finally get this message out. On saying that, if people want to talk, you know how to contact me and I always up for a chat when I’m free.

I think I’m finally coming to terms with where I’m at. It’s been a major smack in the face that things will never be the way they were and I have been holding on to that expectation that things will magically go back to some form of normal if there is such a thing. The people who have stuck by me through thick and thin, I am indebted to forever and I no longer feel the longing to depend on them or anyone else for that matter. I found a new found inner strength to just deal with things on the spot like I used to; which I was always known as a bitch for. I don’t need people around me 24/7 to keep my mind occupied away from things that will get me down. It’s time for me to regain my sanity. I will no longer define myself or judge myself on the material objects that I own, it’s to draining to always be wearing the more expensive clothes, to have my hair sitting perfectly and act like I didn’t spend hours getting it the way it looks. I think I have just finally accepted the way my life has worked out and I am okay with it, honestly, I’m still alive aren’t I? Just because things have changed, I’m not going to dwell.

My fingers are exhausted and so is my mind; so I’m leaving this blog and going to simply say, the bitch is back. xD

__xoxo.
Matthew Dragoslav.

Change Is Inevitable;

It’s true, but does it have to be final with no way of reverse? I’m sitting here listening to ‘old’ music, it’s making me both laugh and remember the past few years. I don’t even know where to begin!

One thing that it does bring to my mind, why does everyone think humans are superior than any other race on earth? Alright, I’ll give it that we are more technologically advanced, but emotionally… do I even need to go there? It seems like every one wants to just listen to that juicy gossip or when in a fight, never make the first move… then just TALK! LOL, seriously it’s fucked. :)

^^^ there is my rant for the week! Haha

The past week has dragged on for ages :P That might have been because I did all-nighters and somehow pulled a twenty-two hour stay at work both helping them with F.O.R. prep (our head office visit) and fixing my never ending car troubles! We passed our F.O.R. with a triple A rating which everyone seems to be pleased about :)

How could I forget last Friday nights being cheap night! Everyone wanted to go to Bl!nk, but no one wanted to spend the money.. long story short, we ended up driving in just to get Subway around the corner from Bl!nk and getting our friends that had gone to come eat with us! Haha

Haha, and going to the “Catho” Monday night with Bec before work because we both had o/night and Charlie had a meeting there, we thought we would have the awkward moment of seeing them as they’d most likely have a conference room.. ha, yeah as soon as we walked in we saw them and had to pull out money right next to them.. Awkward! :P Was a good night just “having a slap” on the dingers and playing keno while we ate.. bahaha, so bogan :( lol.

This weeks going to be my lazy week, although I’ve been saying that for the past month! Haha, I’ll keep you posted!

__xoxo.

Matthew Dragoslav.

On A Lighter Note..

Well I figured I needed a lighter note from my last blog and I'm going to start making an effort to right these blogs more frequently :)

I think I need to get away, I think I'm going to get away this weekend. I don't know where too, I don't know who with, I just simply miss being spontaneous and free! All the drama of the last few months used to be nothing for me and I think it's because I feel so "caged in" that I can't handle it. So from now on, no more concentrating on the drama and more to just going to the care free me who just went with the flow :)

Ohhh; for those interested, I killed the suave! haha, I got bored and wanted yet another change of style, I couldn't decide so I went back to my old style ("the old enddy") but that will be changed soon yet again ;)

Haha, well I can't think of anything else to write at the moment, my mind is numb as it is currently 5am and I have just finished my 8 hours overnight shift =/ ahhhh, another day, another dollar :D lol.

I'll keep you posted on the spontaneous getaway plans through out the week:P
__xoxo.
Matthew Dragoslav.

I'm Done;

Why do I seem to love befriending and trusting the people who in life love the drama of making the fights even worse than they really are? Yes, people from time to time have a difference of opinions, don't see eye to eye, an argument is started; does that mean a world war 3 needs to be created? On that note, when we become so close to our "besties", our "BFF's", we know exactly what would hurt them emotionally and I'm done with the ones that use those things and people in your life against you to get at you, it's beyond childish. Yes, it's the easy way out and at the time, gosh won't it make you feel better about situation, even yourself to extent, but will you still feel the same down the track?

Your reading this blog (I'm not going to play dumb, if your reading this blog you know who it's about) and thinking I'm taking this all out on you; I'm not. The people that surround you and don't speak up and sit on the fence, or even worse; going between you and I and making us both believe that their on our sides are just as gutless and as worthless as what you did.

I think the past years just taught me you really can't trust your life with anyone, it'll only lead your heart to be broken, which is an extremely pessimistic outlook on life but I can't seem to see a better way to sum it all up.

In closing, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being there for you when other's wouldn't of cared, which was quite alot. I'm sorry for doing all those stupid little things to calm you down, even stupid things like giving you money to put petrol in your car to calm your nervesbecause it was "close" to the empty line. I'm sorry I sat on the phone to you for hours, of my own credit because you were always out of credit, listening to you whine about problems that weren't really problems or should I say, not yours... but yet I still listen sympathetically and tried giving advice... remind you of conversations? Think about our last conversation on the phone. Lastly, I'm sorry for wanting you to be there for me when things were crashing around me and then blowing up, sorry that I expected you of all people to stop and listen, show an incling of sympathy, or even caring when everything seemed to be falling apart... I was even wanting you t fix the problems, because I knew you couldn't if I couldn't, just knowing you were there would have been alot easier.

Sorry for the rage ranting, I guess it's what I have to do to clear my mind of all the thoughts.

Now, I'm Done.

Mood: Apathetic, But Things Are Looking Up!

.. So many different things, both good and bad, are happening right now I don't know if I should be overwhelmed with joy (lol) or be depressed, not as far as the typical emo kid! I've hit a major crossroads in my life, well.. it's been hitting me for the past 6 months, but now its time to make those final moves that change everything; and just makes me sit here right now with a blank look on my face =/

One thing I've promised to myself though, I won't let those things in my life and those people in (and now.. out) of my life dragged the rest of the good things in my life down :)

____________________________________________________________

Therefore on a happier note; the good things happening in the net few weeks :D

• Ricky's 18th :)
• JoJo's 18th :)
• Clubbing with Vince & Jess (&. co) this weekend
• Jess starting at my work (LOL!)
• Mounties.. nothings planned, but I'm almost positive I'll be there at some point with all the new "adults" xD!
• Green P's!
• Soon To Be; MY OWN PLACE :D
• Fix up Harold's Sound System ... way overdue !!
• Random Late Night Hangouts? ->.. yeah most likely knowing the TWK.
• ... and more that I can't think of:P!

:) can't wait for this chapter of my life to begin!

__xoxo.
Matthew Dragoslav.