Why do I seem to love befriending and trusting the people who in life love the drama of making the fights even worse than they really are? Yes, people from time to time have a difference of opinions, don't see eye to eye, an argument is started; does that mean a world war 3 needs to be created? On that note, when we become so close to our "besties", our "BFF's", we know exactly what would hurt them emotionally and I'm done with the ones that use those things and people in your life against you to get at you, it's beyond childish. Yes, it's the easy way out and at the time, gosh won't it make you feel better about situation, even yourself to extent, but will you still feel the same down the track?
Your reading this blog (I'm not going to play dumb, if your reading this blog you know who it's about) and thinking I'm taking this all out on you; I'm not. The people that surround you and don't speak up and sit on the fence, or even worse; going between you and I and making us both believe that their on our sides are just as gutless and as worthless as what you did.
I think the past years just taught me you really can't trust your life with anyone, it'll only lead your heart to be broken, which is an extremely pessimistic outlook on life but I can't seem to see a better way to sum it all up.
In closing, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being there for you when other's wouldn't of cared, which was quite alot. I'm sorry for doing all those stupid little things to calm you down, even stupid things like giving you money to put petrol in your car to calm your nervesbecause it was "close" to the empty line. I'm sorry I sat on the phone to you for hours, of my own credit because you were always out of credit, listening to you whine about problems that weren't really problems or should I say, not yours... but yet I still listen sympathetically and tried giving advice... remind you of conversations? Think about our last conversation on the phone. Lastly, I'm sorry for wanting you to be there for me when things were crashing around me and then blowing up, sorry that I expected you of all people to stop and listen, show an incling of sympathy, or even caring when everything seemed to be falling apart... I was even wanting you t fix the problems, because I knew you couldn't if I couldn't, just knowing you were there would have been alot easier.
Sorry for the rage ranting, I guess it's what I have to do to clear my mind of all the thoughts.
Now, I'm Done.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Mood: Apathetic, But Things Are Looking Up!
.. So many different things, both good and bad, are happening right now I don't know if I should be overwhelmed with joy (lol) or be depressed, not as far as the typical emo kid! I've hit a major crossroads in my life, well.. it's been hitting me for the past 6 months, but now its time to make those final moves that change everything; and just makes me sit here right now with a blank look on my face =/
One thing I've promised to myself though, I won't let those things in my life and those people in (and now.. out) of my life dragged the rest of the good things in my life down :)
One thing I've promised to myself though, I won't let those things in my life and those people in (and now.. out) of my life dragged the rest of the good things in my life down :)
____________________________________________________________
Therefore on a happier note; the good things happening in the net few weeks :D
__xoxo.
Matthew Dragoslav.
- Ricky's 18th :)
- JoJo's 18th :)
- Clubbing with Vince & Jess (&. co) this weekend
- Jess starting at my work (LOL!)
- Mounties.. nothings planned, but I'm almost positive I'll be there at some point with all the new "adults" xD!
- Green P's!
- Soon To Be; MY OWN PLACE :D
- Fix up Harold's Sound System ... way overdue !!
- Random Late Night Hangouts? ->.. yeah most likely knowing the TWK.
- ... and more that I can't think of:P!
__xoxo.
Matthew Dragoslav.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Don't Let Your Guard Down,
*Read the title again*
Ha, I guess I still haven't been taught that lesson. >_>
There is a million and one things I hate about myself, but my number one pet peeve would have to be the way I let people in and give the my complete and utter trust. I think there is something inside me (and in most people) that needs those friendships where anything goes, nothing can be said or done basically that will go to far and trust between the two people is endless. I think to date, I've had three friendships that I would call best friends, although I do use the turn more freely in public, only three people have really broken past the level of friendship and become permanent fixtures in my mind. I'm not going to mention names, but I've lost two out of three of those best friends and the other, we've become so distant I'm writing this blog while lying in bed... even though I should be at her birthday party! =/
Something must be in the human physique that makes us eventually hurt one another, something must make us all tell each other the hot gossip to one another; even if it hurts another in the process. Whatever it is, I quite simply hate it :)
The thing that really gets to me are the lies the "two out of three bestfriends" have said after the initial fight, things to make themselves feel better, things to make themselves look superior, things to help themselves rid the thoughts of their wrong doing.
Ha, humans are so superior to any other living organism, yet when it comes down to it, all we have are our voices to destroy people and make ourselves feel better; and when you think about it.. when does it all end?
Seriously, when does it all end?
__xoxo
Matthew Dragoslav.
Ha, I guess I still haven't been taught that lesson. >_>
There is a million and one things I hate about myself, but my number one pet peeve would have to be the way I let people in and give the my complete and utter trust. I think there is something inside me (and in most people) that needs those friendships where anything goes, nothing can be said or done basically that will go to far and trust between the two people is endless. I think to date, I've had three friendships that I would call best friends, although I do use the turn more freely in public, only three people have really broken past the level of friendship and become permanent fixtures in my mind. I'm not going to mention names, but I've lost two out of three of those best friends and the other, we've become so distant I'm writing this blog while lying in bed... even though I should be at her birthday party! =/
Something must be in the human physique that makes us eventually hurt one another, something must make us all tell each other the hot gossip to one another; even if it hurts another in the process. Whatever it is, I quite simply hate it :)
The thing that really gets to me are the lies the "two out of three bestfriends" have said after the initial fight, things to make themselves feel better, things to make themselves look superior, things to help themselves rid the thoughts of their wrong doing.
Ha, humans are so superior to any other living organism, yet when it comes down to it, all we have are our voices to destroy people and make ourselves feel better; and when you think about it.. when does it all end?
Seriously, when does it all end?
__xoxo
Matthew Dragoslav.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
A New Year Comes With A New Type of Blog,
Well after having a long conversation that went around in circles with one, Ivana Marinovic, we came to the conclusion that I should lighten the moods of my blogs and finally write one without drama in it :) So here goes nothing..
I think it's quite humorous in the past two years how many different cars I have been given/owned and to add to that they've been, how do you say, less expensive each time. From my '09 commodore sv6, to "Barry" the barina and now to the officially mine, "Harold the Hyundai"! Yes, Harold is slightly different from the cars I'm used to driving, although I'm quite enjoying the freedom it brings me. I thinks it's the simple fact that I own the car and that my parents can do absolutely nothing to it that just makes me feel "warm and fuzzy on the inside"! LOL
Okay, I think it's time to say.. Harold isn't that easy on the eye ;).. if at all? LOL but I've spent most of today looking at ways of Pimping My Ride! haha. I think I'll be keeping the details of my pimping a secret for now.. but you'll see soon :) Pictures will be up soon !
---------------------
Well guess what just happened! As I'm writing this very blog, dad comes in and offers to buy me a new stereo and seat covers as a late christmas present ! After my.. what the fuck moment.. I was like score :) More money in my pocket! xD!
Anyway, I'm off and probably won't be blogging for the rest of the week as I'm working - but I have next week off :) which means I'll probably getting up to some mischief with the wanker crew.. stay tuned !!
__xoxo.
Matthew Dragoslav
I think it's quite humorous in the past two years how many different cars I have been given/owned and to add to that they've been, how do you say, less expensive each time. From my '09 commodore sv6, to "Barry" the barina and now to the officially mine, "Harold the Hyundai"! Yes, Harold is slightly different from the cars I'm used to driving, although I'm quite enjoying the freedom it brings me. I thinks it's the simple fact that I own the car and that my parents can do absolutely nothing to it that just makes me feel "warm and fuzzy on the inside"! LOL
Okay, I think it's time to say.. Harold isn't that easy on the eye ;).. if at all? LOL but I've spent most of today looking at ways of Pimping My Ride! haha. I think I'll be keeping the details of my pimping a secret for now.. but you'll see soon :) Pictures will be up soon !
---------------------
Well guess what just happened! As I'm writing this very blog, dad comes in and offers to buy me a new stereo and seat covers as a late christmas present ! After my.. what the fuck moment.. I was like score :) More money in my pocket! xD!
Anyway, I'm off and probably won't be blogging for the rest of the week as I'm working - but I have next week off :) which means I'll probably getting up to some mischief with the wanker crew.. stay tuned !!
__xoxo.
Matthew Dragoslav
Thursday, December 31, 2009
A Night I Don't Completely Want To Remember,
Well last night was new years eve and as much as I try, they always seem to be a major hyped and a major let down in the end. Plans were made, people were in good moods.. I was even that happy I didn't mind paying excessive amounts on alcohol and to share it for the people who didn't buy any! Party started before sunset but by sunset drama was flaring. It is almost as if the moon came up and people went funny, like people turning into scary wolves. Anyway, skipping ahead quit rapidly, things were said, serious things.. and I couldn't shake them, all I could think to do was drink. I was fine until everybody decided to walk to the big park for the countdown to the new year.. anyone who knows me will know that I'm fine drinking excessive amounts of alcohol.. as long as I don't move heaps :) I ended up getting lost and returning to my friends house which is where I realized the back door of my car was unlocked and I could get my emergency stash of alcohol.. like I needed anymore by that stage! Half way through the bottle of cheap "premium" vodka I decide to go look for my friends again.. make it to the park just barely and then fell over in a bush...
... yeahh, I passed out. I was awoke by three guys.. two aussies and one samoan.. luckily they weren't trying to roll me but trying to help me. They stayed with me for almost an hour trying to help me find people, even to the point of using all their phones and mine calling around. I could see new messages on my phone, BUT I was that out of it the writing on the screen all blurred into one colour =/
While waiting, a car pulls up and just my luck, its undercover police. awesome. All I can remember was them trying to get me to stand up and me telling them to go fuck themselves as they idea alone of standing up was making me feel dizzy.. although he was nice, he let me use his lighter :) haha, apparently they were going to arrest me at one stage (probably around the time i told them to go fuck themselves - sorry for the french ladies and gentlemen).
I felt bad for the guys that were trying to help me, they got all their fireworks confiscated of them and had to hide their alcohol. ha! epic fail. -_-"
Anywho, people finally came to get me, the pigs (police) finally left me and I had to be carried home because walking.. well it was simply not an option for me.
What a night. All over something stupid and getting blown absolutely out of proportion. I told myself for the month of december I wouldn't have a New Years Resolution, although I think I might change that and quit drinking.. completely =/ and eventually smoking.. lets say hopefully completely quit by june.
I'm hoping the rest of the year will be better than the first night :)
__xoxo
Matthew Dragoslav.
... yeahh, I passed out. I was awoke by three guys.. two aussies and one samoan.. luckily they weren't trying to roll me but trying to help me. They stayed with me for almost an hour trying to help me find people, even to the point of using all their phones and mine calling around. I could see new messages on my phone, BUT I was that out of it the writing on the screen all blurred into one colour =/
While waiting, a car pulls up and just my luck, its undercover police. awesome. All I can remember was them trying to get me to stand up and me telling them to go fuck themselves as they idea alone of standing up was making me feel dizzy.. although he was nice, he let me use his lighter :) haha, apparently they were going to arrest me at one stage (probably around the time i told them to go fuck themselves - sorry for the french ladies and gentlemen).
I felt bad for the guys that were trying to help me, they got all their fireworks confiscated of them and had to hide their alcohol. ha! epic fail. -_-"
Anywho, people finally came to get me, the pigs (police) finally left me and I had to be carried home because walking.. well it was simply not an option for me.
What a night. All over something stupid and getting blown absolutely out of proportion. I told myself for the month of december I wouldn't have a New Years Resolution, although I think I might change that and quit drinking.. completely =/ and eventually smoking.. lets say hopefully completely quit by june.
I'm hoping the rest of the year will be better than the first night :)
__xoxo
Matthew Dragoslav.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Flipping Out &,
now laughing my head off! =/ rofl. Well I left off in my last blog that I have to be out of the house by Christmas Eve... well if your living under a rock, just to get you up to speed.. it's Christmas Eve! Anywho, planning where to go and packing with no real place to go in the back of my mind has been making me go crazy, whilst I tried to look sane to my friends (although the close ones knew I wasn't right..)! Well, I've got a place to stay for the next two weeks.. of all places for a half-serb to stay.. a croatian's house with her family =/ LMAO! This is either going to be completely hilarious or completely scary.. especially considering the standard of wogs out Ivana has with her mum already =/ y'eek. what am I getting myself into? xD
OH! and the iceing on the cake... I CAN'T SMOKE AT HER HOUSE! fml, I think I'll be quitting smoking sooner that I expected ;)
:) I'll keep you posted on the happenings when you mix balkan races and put them under one roof in my next blog! XD
__xoxo.
Matthew Dragoslav
OH! and the iceing on the cake... I CAN'T SMOKE AT HER HOUSE! fml, I think I'll be quitting smoking sooner that I expected ;)
:) I'll keep you posted on the happenings when you mix balkan races and put them under one roof in my next blog! XD
__xoxo.
Matthew Dragoslav
Monday, December 21, 2009
Hasn't Time Flown By,
and I don't know where the past few months have gone. I have to admit since my last blog life has been stressful but I've tried to make the best of it all. For those in the dark of whats going on in my life, drama (a word I use way to frequently) all started when I left for Terrigal and joined "The Wankers" for one night of the schoolies trip. I was there for no less than an hour before my father calls me telling me he wants me out of the house before Christmas; that kind of killed the night, although on reassessing my "no drinking while in Terrigal" plan, the night was kind of salvaged even if that phone conversation never left my mind for a moment.
Since then, I've been working and trying to find places to live and to find a car so I can continue working, it's been a long process of promising places falling through and or leading me to dead ends.
I guess one thing went to plan, I bought my very own first car! It may not be the best on the eye, but after i'm done putting my own mark on it should be up to scratch :) AND! Atleast I know for certain that this car has nothing to do with my parents and thus, they can't take it off me like they have the previous two cars I've been given! Photo's will be up when I finally get around to taking some and posted in future blogs, stay tuned :)
It's currently 10.08pm on the 21st of December, leaving me with around three days to figure out where the heck I'm going to live! My mind is constantly, as it has been since Terrigal, going around in circles and while I've been trying to keep calm I don't know how much more of this uncertainty I can take.
Hopefully something will provail itself in the very, very, near future and put my mind at rest! Until then, I'll be keeping you posted. :)
Hope you had fun reading my rant,
Matthew Dragoslav.
Since then, I've been working and trying to find places to live and to find a car so I can continue working, it's been a long process of promising places falling through and or leading me to dead ends.
I guess one thing went to plan, I bought my very own first car! It may not be the best on the eye, but after i'm done putting my own mark on it should be up to scratch :) AND! Atleast I know for certain that this car has nothing to do with my parents and thus, they can't take it off me like they have the previous two cars I've been given! Photo's will be up when I finally get around to taking some and posted in future blogs, stay tuned :)
It's currently 10.08pm on the 21st of December, leaving me with around three days to figure out where the heck I'm going to live! My mind is constantly, as it has been since Terrigal, going around in circles and while I've been trying to keep calm I don't know how much more of this uncertainty I can take.
Hopefully something will provail itself in the very, very, near future and put my mind at rest! Until then, I'll be keeping you posted. :)
Hope you had fun reading my rant,
Matthew Dragoslav.
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